Are you struggling with any of your relationships?  Problematic relationships are one of the top reasons why people seek counseling services.  Indeed, one of my former graduate professors, regularly quoted one of his old mentors who aptly stated, “Relationships are the last great frontier, everyone’s trying to figure them out.”  Certainly, we can see our collective struggle if one looks at domestic and international politics, as we often find a world at war, with much conflict initiated and perpetuated by: unaddressed hurts, impaired empathy, and disrespect for individual needs and autonomy.  Frequently we find ourselves, and each other, ineffectively coping with differences through abandonment or general aggression and control strategies.

So, what is it that can make relationships so difficult? There are multiple foundational causes of relationship problems, one of which may include individual differences, as every person is distinct in his/her/their: needs, expectations, characteristics, and abilities.  This makes each relationship a unique and dynamic experience, necessitating different rules and skill sets to effectively manage each one.  In addition, individuals often bring unaddressed wounds from past relationships, and may carry this “baggage” into new and subsequent interactions and relationships (as Sigmund Freud stated, “Our beds are crowded.”).  The depth and effect of these past hurts can exist subconsciously and result in re-enactments of unhealthy relating, perpetuating cycles of unhelpful conflict.  Furthermore, recurrent conflict may be symptomatic of one or more parties having untreated, or under-treated, mental health or substance abuse issues which can be reduced or eliminated with effective psychological and/or psychiatric interventions.  Though relationships are complex, through assessment and therapy, patterns often emerge and can be targeted, while research continues to be forthcoming, in terms of clarifying what constitutes healthy and successful relationships.